I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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