It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
