I want to make a zoo with you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
