turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
