If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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