apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
