just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
