I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
dude. I can hear the air.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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