If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
