i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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