ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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