yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
