Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
