Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Im part way to drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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