One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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