ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize