so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
