you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
