do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
