Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
