ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
