Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
