When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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