So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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