you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
