We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
