She announced her abortion via fbk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
