I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
