mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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