I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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