i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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