he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
