they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
