I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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