oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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