someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
