YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize