R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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