I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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