I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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