I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
