$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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