i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
