let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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