i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Drunk is a universal language darling
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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