No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
