She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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