Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
