This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
