just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
