There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Say something about gay babies.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
