I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
