should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
