I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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