The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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