Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
