her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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