just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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