can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
