soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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