in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
