Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
