Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
