Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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