How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
