he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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