Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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