I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
