Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
