You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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