Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
