Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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