until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize